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Note: Sam calls Ferguson ``a dork-head creep who they should grind up for puppy puke''. Also, Ferguson's baby picture is labeled ``Ferg-Face As Baby''.
Created By Mitchell Kriegman Produced By Mitchell Kriegman Director Kenneth Frankel Line Producer Sarah Condon Associate Producer Chris Gifford Theme Song Performed By Rachel Sweet Theme Music Composed By Rachel Sweet Anthony Battaglia Willa Bassen Production Design Byron Taylor Lighting Director Dick Weiss Costume Designer Lisa Lederer Creative Consultant Alexa Junge Production Manager Jim Moroney Unit Manager Jacqueline Davies Art Director David Ellis Associate Director Jim Scurti Casting Rich Ross Michael Koegal Talent Coordinator Todd Denkin Stage Manager Joshua Berger Technical Director John M. Lutz Technical Manager Tim Rounds Audio Mark Schultz Frank Rohrer Kris Barnes Video Pete McIntyre Cameras Rudy Carames Barbara Drago David Kinney Ken Kraus Rick Mendoza Boom Operators Mark Deadman Bob Van Dorn Lighting Board Operator Sean Mallon Lighting Director Assistant Chris English Video Tape Lonnie Blackburn Utility Steve Bunnell Bill Giglio Frank Vila Paintbox Artist St. Mars Editor Rick "Whoops" Fernandes Offline Editor Keith Bozarth Post Production Sound Mixer Grant Maxwell Post Production Supervisor Donick Cary Post Production Coordinator Cynthia Albanese Chyron Francie Elikan Electricians Michael Foster Darrin Tindall Alf Zammit Make Up Liz Spang Hair Tish Simpson Wardrobe Supervisor Jackie Lafler Wardrobe Assistants John Cox Richard Plombon Property Master Deborah Witt Props Steve Clark Wayne Spoor Rich West Vickie Wilson Stagehands Ed McMillan Andy Curaney Production Coordinators Randy Koshinskie Karen Wald Continuity Margo Kent Production Assistants Andy Calandrino Margo Comport Kathleen Connolly Pam Ginsburg Bobby Lory Nanette Morosi David Roofthooft Video Game Created By Tim Burns Additional Music By Dan Vitco Children's Education Provided By On Location Education Orlando, Florida Animation From "(She Was A) Hotel Detective" By Joey Ahlbum Courtesy Of They Might Be Giants And Bar Non Records They Might Be Giants Poster Courtesy Of Elektra Entertainment Special Thanks To Jen Mac Industries Lauren Gray Herb Scannell Executive Producers Geoffrey Darby Brown Johnson Andy Bamberger Thunder Pictures (C) 1991 MTV Networks
``Who shoots at the mid-day sun, though he be sure he shall never hit the mark; yet as sure he is he shall shoot higher than who aims at a bush.'' - Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586), The Arcadia, Book II.
``Who aimeth at the sky shoots much higher than he that means a tree.'' - George Herbert (1593-1633), The Church Porch.
[this is the only episode page that has this field]
This is a transcript of the opening scene of ``Revenge'', the first episode of Clarissa Explains It All.
The format is like this:
Comments, ``stage directions'', camera movements, on-screen graphics, etc.
Fade in on tight shot of slightly fogged-up bathroom mirror. Dramatic music is heard, such as in a horror movie. Clarissa pops up holding a toothbrush in her left hand, with toothpaste foam around her mouth, like a rabid dog.
The camera pulls back and there's a flourish of music as she sinks down out of sight, then pops up again, having wiped away the toothpaste. The music stops.
Hi, I'm Clarissa.
We are looking at her reflection in the mirror. She is wearing a black long-sleeve shirt with pink upside-down triangles around the collar and a zipper on her right side, from the collar to the shoulder. Her hair is done up in a scrunchie on the top of her head, letting her hair hang down in the back, from one ear to the other. We hear water running. She wipes her mouth again as she says, with a bit of annoyance:
Clarissa Darling. Okay, I didn't choose the name.
As she continues to wipe around her mouth, she says wistfully, looking off to her left:
I wanted Jade...
She looks back at the camera.
But by that time, it was too late already.
The camera pans to the right as she turns off the water and turns around to face us; we are now looking at her directly (not in the mirror).
Anything without a last name would be better, like...
Wistfully, looking off-camera again:
She starts to walk across the bathroom, to her left, and the camera follows.
Or Madonna would've been great.
She takes a white button-down shirt with red vertical stripes and white buttons down from a hook on the bathroom door.
But no one asked me.
She puts the shirt on (her left arm first) as she says:
Since we're going to be hanging out a lot, and I'm going to explain all things that go on around here, I think you should know a few things about me.
She flips her hair out from under the shirt collar. We can see that she's also wearing a black (digital?) watch and two bracelets (?) on her right wrist and a larger analog watch on her left wrist.
You know, my likes and dislikes.
She takes a dark-blue vest off of another hook.
Camera pans to the left as the word ``LIKES'' (in yellow letters with a red underline) appears to the left of Clarissa.
I like Twizzlers, jawbreakers, and sugarbombs;
The words ``Junk Food'' are written out (in white) as she puts on the vest. Cartoon depictions of two guys appear, the one on the left stomping his feet. A snippet of the song ``Ana Ng'' (by They Might Be Giants) is heard as she says:
John, the one without the glasses, in They Might Be Giants;
and driving! [pic]
A blue car-shape moves right-to-left across the bottom of the screen, trailing puffs of smoke, and accompanied by vroom-ing and screeching-tires sound effects. Clarissa is fiddling around with the vest.
Everyone thinks I'm too young to drive.
She adjusts the shirt collar to go over the vest, which has some sort of medal pinned to it on Clarissa's left side.
But I feel you have to start early if you really want to do something right.
Camera pans to the right as Clarissa finally stops adjusting the vest.
The word ``DISLIKES'' appears and ``Home Haircuts'' is written out as Clarissa says:
I hate the kind of pixie haircuts your mom gives you at home;
Little round blobs are drawn on the screen, and we hear strange sped-up voice sounds as she says, with some urgency (raising her hands, clenched in fists):
I hate tiny germs everywhere;
The word ``Germs'' appears. She lowers her hands and says:
And barf! [pic]
A yellowish-green splatter appears, accompanied by the appropriate splattering sound. Clarissa looks down at it, then quickly looks up to her right. Cut to a shot from her right, as she turns and says:
Have you ever noticed how barf always tastes like orange juice and pizza?
Then there's my parents...
She walks to the right (her left) over to the bathtub.
It's not that I hate my family, it's just that...
She sits down on the edge of the bathtub.
They're my family.
She bends down to pick something up as she says:
There's my mom, Janet.
A picture of Janet appears in the upper-right corner of the screen, accompanied by ``kiddie'' music that sounds as if played on a toy piano. Clarissa comes up with a right shoe from a pair of black hi-tops (?) and puts it on as she says:
She's a regular mom, pretty much.
At this point we see that Clarissa is wearing a red skirt of some sort with a white pattern (leaves??) on it, purple leggings with little black dots, and red socks. A shot of Janet surrounded by five kids zooms out to fill the screen while Clarissa says:
Except, she works with kids. Little kids.
Janet is reading to the kids. In the background is a large Keith Haring painting.
She shows them stuff at the Children's Museum, where she's in charge.
The scene changes to a sped-up shot of Janet and the kids marching in place.
If you ask me, it's a secret indoctrination camp to turn the little guys into morons. [pic]
The scene freezes as the music hits a bad note and we return to a shot of Clarissa, who has just finished putting on her shoe.
Oh, and she eats health food.
She bends down again to get the left shoe as she says:
Okay, then there's my dad, Marshall.
Dignified-sounding horns herald a shot of Marshall in the upper-right corner.
Dad's an architect.
Clarissa puts on her left shoe as she says:
That means he makes lots of drawings and visits empty lots in his Jeep.
A picture of Marshall standing in front of a vacant lot zooms out to fill the screen.
Usually he builds houses in weird shapes.
We see a few of Marshall's finished works: A telephone-shaped Nantucket Inn; a house in the shape of a salt shaker; a coffee-cup-shaped building with a big brown drop coming over the lip... [pic]
He's a modern architect.
We see an upside-down pyramid house with a ladder going up to the entrance as Clarissa says:
I'm really glad we can't afford to live in any of his houses.
Return to the shot of Clarissa.
And then there's me...
We hear three knocks on the bathroom door. Clarissa looks toward the door in utter disgust and gives a little huff. [pic]
She gets up and walks over to the door as she says:
The only abnormal child of two perfectly normal parents.
Three more knocks, as Clarissa reaches the door and prepares to open it.
Unless, of course, you count...
Opens the door and points to Ferguson.
Ferguson enters, wearing a blue robe over plaid pajamas, with a light-blue towel draped over his left shoulder. Clarissa says:
This is Ferguson, my agkh! brother. [pic]
(Clarissa does a finger-down-the-throat gesture on the ``agkh''.) Ferguson rolls his eyes and walks into the bathroom silently as the word ``Ferguson'' and a downward-pointing arrow appear over his head. Clarissa greets him with a caustic:
She exits as Ferguson closes the bathroom door behind her. Cut to a shot outside the bathroom door:
That dork-pie has been a burr in my butt since he was born. ``Why me?'', I ask myself...
Clarissa walks toward us, off camera-left. There is a pause, then Clarissa returns in a tight close-up and says:
And why him? [pic]
A picture of a crying baby slides in from the right, complete with animated blue tears and crying sounds. Subtitles indicate that this is ``Ferg-Face As Baby''. [pic]
He was a normal, ugly little baby. Sometimes I think he was just envious of my natural grace and good looks.
The picture slides off-screen to the left, revealing a shot of Clarissa outside her bedroom door. On the door is a real leash connected to a picture of a dog, a blue piece of paper with the words ``guard dog'' (?) written on it, and an ``Exit'' sign.
Sometimes I think he's related to Freddy. Fff! Fish-face is a real creep.
She opens the door and enters as we cut to a shot from inside her room.
But it doesn't matter anymore. 'Cause after today...
She closes the door behind her and leans up against it. She points with her left thumb at a picture of Ferguson with a line through it (i.e., international symbol for ``No Ferguson'') and says:
He dies! [pic]
Psycho-type music is heard as the scene fades into the opening titles and theme song.
The scene has lasted exactly 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
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